Girl Secrets: Prepping for a Date
We’re continuing the fun series “Girl Secrets” this week with a post on what it’s like when a girl gets ready for a date. Hopefully this is more entertaining than horrifying! Grab your floaties because we’re going to jump right into the various stages of prepping for a date.
Before the date:
1.) Freak out. “I’m going on a date. I am going on a date. I am really going on a DATE! Oh heavens, what do I WEAR?!?!”
2.) Consult the tribe. Group messages work best in this scenario. We like to open all date related communication with this salutation, “OHMYGAHYOUGUYS!!!!” A woman’s tribe is sacred. We consult each other on a multitude of important life decisions such as if you should accept that new job or if those palazzo pants would make Becky’s jaw drop. Never question the tribe.
3.) If one has time, one buys a new outfit because one’s entire closet is filled with inferior items of clothing that will never get your date to fall madly in love you.
4.) Schedule a hair appointment, a nail appointment, a massage, and a makeup consultation because it takes a lot of work to look effortlessly breathtaking.
On the day of the date:
1.) Freak out for a solid five minutes because you’re actually going on a date.
2.) Dance party… because you are date-able (Praise the Lord!)
3.) Realize that you’ve wasted an inordinate amount of time on steps 1 & 2 and you’re sweaty. Not glistening… No, no, you’re drenched because that was one heck of a dance party.
4.) While cleaning up in the shower, shave every hair that ever had a thought of growing on your body. Those hairs and all their friends will be too scared to come back after that follicle massacre.
5.) Bemoan the fact that you now have to dry your hair, style your hair, and create magic on your face with makeup. Momentarily think about cancelling. Remember that this is the first date you’ve had in a while with someone who meets the height requirement. Suck it up and pull out your bag o’ tricks.
6.) You’re sweating again due to the inferno coming from blow dryer and straightening iron. It’s too late to shower again but think you could pull off the dewy look. Once your hair is voluminous, you grab a hand mirror and ponder if the back of your head truly is ridiculous.
7.) You channel Bob Ross (or Diana Ross) as you highlight and contour the mess out of your face until you look photo-shopped.
8.) Once you’ve covered the rest of your face with a gaggle of L’oreal products, you mentally prepare yourself to add eyeliner to the masterpiece that is your face. Easy does it now. Wielding an eyeliner pencil is like wielding tweezers in Operation, one false move and you lose. Deep breaths. Okay girl, work that cat eye technique you learned from that precious girl on YouTube who shouldn’t even be wearing makeup.
9.) Now that your hair and makeup are complete, it’s time to put on that stunning new outfit you paid entirely too much for. Once you’re dressed you realize that you look slightly pudgy. Since that’s not acceptable you consider doing a zumba session or a liquid diet then realize you’re out of time so you decide to wear a girdle instead.
10.) Last step: Practice all of your looks from all angles in the mirror. A smirk, a flirty side glance, throwing your head back in laughter, covering your forehead and giggling as if overcome by unbelievable wit, and wink (if you’re feeling lucky).
So there you have it guys. Step by step what a girl may choose to put herself through just to go on a date with you. It would be completely acceptable if you felt honored right now.
May I put in a brief request though? Please don’t make us say, “I shaved my legs for THIS?!”
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